Annie's "How to Cope with Grief and the Holidays" Page

"Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted"
~Matthew 5:4~

Note: This page was written long before the horrible WTC tragedy.
I do hope that it blesses you and brings you some
comfort this holiday season! Annie

Thoughts from Annie:

I know what it is like to lose a loved one. My younger brother Billy was killed
Feb 28th, 1996. If you asked me that first year if I would ever enjoy the
holidays again, I would probably just have cried. Even though I probably
would have preferred yelling at you. But TIME and the GRACE of GOD have
done there healing work. I am looking forward to the Holidays again this year.

God does answer prayer. Even if it seems like He is silent and not listening.
Sometimes the answer is YES and sometimes it is NO but often it is WAIT.
He can see the whole picture and we see only our introspective view.

Remember that sometimes we may not understand but
the Word of God has the answers.
"For my thoughts [are] not your thoughts, neither [are] your ways my ways,
saith the LORD. For [as] the heavens are higher than the earth, so are
my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."
~Isaiah 55:7-8~

Here is another scripture that comes to mind:
"God comforts us in all our afflictions so we in turn maybe able to
comfort those with the comfort where with we are comforted by God."
~2 Corinthians 1:3-4~

Remember tears do a healing work and cleanse our body of poisons. You may
have swollen eyes the next morning but it is good for you to cry. Kind of like
vitamins and cleaning your room. Actually nothing really seems to help right
away. Often it is when we look back at our lives that we can see the intricate
and detailed pieces fall into place. It would be like putting the last piece in the
puzzle. We of course may never understand why we go through what we do,
but the Lord understands completely.

GOD is bigger then our fears. He is bigger then our pain and our problems.
The Lord asks us to TRUST Him. Do you TRUST the Lord? Or do you have
to control and manipulate your circumstances? Can you let go and let
God take control of your life?

As Christians we can confidently say, we have the assurance that we will
see our loved ones again one day in Heaven. What a glorious day
that will be. We have that Hope.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for,
the evidence of things not seen."
~Hebrews 11:1~

Not seeing and understanding is the hard part of life. We know that we miss
our loved ones. We know that they are in heaven. BUT we miss them. It
would be so much easier for us if we could just see them and hold them
and talk to them one last time. But be encouraged my friend. One day soon
we will see our loved ones. And what a wonderful day that will be. It is
then that we will know the answers to all of our questions. We will
see clearly. We will understand fully.

But for now hold on to that assurance of a blessed and joyful reunion
in Heaven. Remember that we serve a LOVING God.

"But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which
are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if
we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep
in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word
of the Lord, that we which are alive [and] remain unto the coming of the
Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself
shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel,
and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then
we which are alive [and] remain shall be caught up together with them
in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with
the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words."
~1 Thessalonians 4:13-18~


William A. Spencer

Nov 1, 1963 - Feb 28, 1996
"To Live in the Hearts of Those
You Leave Behind is not to Die."
~Robert Orr~

This year (2008) will be over twelve years and Christmas's since my younger
brother Billy was killed tragically in a car accident. It will actually
be the 13th Christmas because of when the accident fell during the year.
In some ways it still feels like yesterday but then I catch myself thinking about him
and knowing that one day I will get a big hug from him and he will tell me all
that he has been doing in heaven while he is waiting for all of us to arrive!!!
(You can read more about this on my Testimony page.)

Stages of Grief

Coping with Death is never easy!

"I will turn their mourning into gladness. I will give them
comfort and joy instead of sorrow."
~Jeremiah 31:13~

".... that we may be able to comfort them which are in trouble,
by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God."
~2 Corinthians 1:3-4~

There are stages of Grief. You will have to go through them to be healed
and able to deal with your loss. You may not necessarily go through
them in order. Some people go through some stages at the same time.
But you will go through them never the less.

1: denial and isolation
2: anger
3: bargaining
4: depression
5: acceptance

A good Christian book called "Good Grief"
by G.E. Westberg lists 10 stages of Grief:

1: We Are In a State of Shock
2: We Express Emotion
3: We Feel Depressed and Very Lonely
4: We May Experience Physical Symptoms
5: We May Become Panicky
6: We Feel a Sense of Guilt About The Loss
7: We are Filled with Anger and Resentment
8: We Resist Returning
9: Gradually Hope Comes Through
10: We Struggle to Affirm Reality

The Four Tasks of Mourning - By William Worden

1 - To accept the reality of the loss
2 - To experience the pain of grief
3 - to adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing
4 - to withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in another relationship

The five stages for the dying and the bereaved -by E. Kubler-Ross

1 - Denial and isolation
2 - Anger
3 - Bargaining
4 - Depression
5 - Acceptance


I have some other pages that may be helpful for you:

Annie's Comfort Page - Similar to a Bible Promise Book.
Annie's Email Encouragers Page - There are some wonderful Christians
who would love to pray for you and encourage you.
Annie's "Prayer and the Email Encourager's" Page This is a page where
you can submit a prayer request and the EE's will be glad to prayer for
you. We send out a prayer mailing each day to the EE's.
Annie's Testimony Page - This page also shares about my brothers death.
A Message for You from Heaven - Poems that will comfort and encourage

Other COPE with the Holiday Pages by Annie:
Annie's How to Cope with Grief & the Holidays Long Page - the original and long
version of my How to Cope Page.
For a Text only copy of my LONG Cope page visit:
Annie's Cope Text Page
Annie's "How to Help Others who are Grieving" Page
Annie's "How to Cope with Grief Suggestions" Page

To see other Christmas Related Pages By Annie
Annie's Christmas Welcome Page
And if you are done looking at Christmas..................

Click here to go to Annie's Home Page
Annie's Home Page

Annie's Featured Holiday Page
Have a "Happy Everything"!
Annie's Holiday Page

Annie's Featured Page

Annie's "Featured Page" Page

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